A Rant

I hate to say this but, women truly are oblivious to anything going on further out than 1 foot in diameter around them.

Ladies, when walking in groups in crowded places, say the mall or the underground hallways at work, politely step aside while the four of you decide which place you would like to go to eat. DO NOT, as you always collectively do, stand in the most narrow point of a hallway, door, or opening that you can find, start talking about lunch, get distracted and start talking about how you expect Valentine's day to go, and stand there completely unaware that you are truly blocking what would be a good two way flow of traffic in a most inconvenient place to all except yourselves.

Also, whilst driving. DO NOT get in the left lane on the highway and go 60. I promise you that you are actually putting yourself in more danger than if you traveled, oh, say, at least the actual speed limit. Also, please don't sit at red lights re-applying lipstick and gazing at yourself long enough to actually cause yourself (and a few irate others) to miss half of the green light. In addition, if I am cruising at a decent rate of speed with a HUUUUUUGGE gap in traffic behind me, DON'T pull out and make a turn right in front of me only to travel at half the rate of speed I was. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT.

Now, ladies, if you see a pair of shoes that are just amazing and fit so well and look so good that you just have to get them, then go ahead, splurge. However, one good rule of thumb is: they may look so wonderful off of a foot, but when you put them on you are actually physically, literally, and obviously struggling to walk properly, it completely negates how good the actual shoe looks and makes you look, well, again , like an idiot. I am not saying I have never done this. Every woman has! However, I am not yet 30 years old and have picked up on this most obvious rule simply through a keen sense of observation, without one person having advised me on this fact. I will go ahead and say any woman who has a job that requires decent shoes, should know and have adopted this rule within one year of employment. If you haven't figured it out by then, then you are the gal I'm talkin' to. Get with it. Stumbling and awkward stride is not sexy.

Lastly, I would just like to say, if you are in any place where a shopping cart is necessary, please, PLEASE, pay attention to the damn thing. If you are walking down and isle and spot something you might need or want, DO NOT take your hands off your cart and leave it right there in the very spot where your eyes fell upon this object of potential desire. Take two seconds, move the cart to the side, and then go. In fact, let's just go one step further and say, move your cart aside and look both ways before crossing the traffic you ARE going to run into. This goes a long with my "walk forward, look forward" rule. But that is anther topic entirely.

This concludes my rant this even......WAIT!

Sorry, one more.

PLEEEEEASE pay attention to the cars you park next to. No one wants a door ding. NO ONE! And you know what? I get it. I've done the whole "this car seat is heavy and awkward to carry and there isn't much space here and I am very tired and frustrated and there is some jerk waiting for my spot looking annoyed that I am taking so long so now I am in a hurry too" thing. It doesn't make door dings OK. Nothing does. Watch yourself. Watch your kids. Only you can prevent door dings.

I think I really am done this time.

Yeah.

I am.

All of these aweseom observations came from 1 single trip to Super Target today. Isn't that amazing? It just goes to show, the best way to learn is through experience.

Good night.